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      Coaching

      Overcoming Fear and Anxiety in Troubling Times

      • admin
      • June 9, 2020

      One of the lessons I learned from battling cancer for over 18 years, is that fear can be paralyzing.  Not the paralysis that comes from an injury to the spine, but the paralysis of inaction – the inability to take charge and do something about your challenging situation.   Fear can cause us to shut down and passively lay down and wait to die.  It also lies to us.  It tells us, “Why bother?  You know how this is going to end.  Give up now and don’t waste your energy.” 

      I was there.  When I first noticed unusual physical symptoms in my breast, fear paralyzed me.  I did not take immediate action to confirm whether or not I had cancer.  I did not want to know.  It took months of wallowing in fear and managing my symptoms before I heard the words, “You have cancer”.  At that point I was completely immobilized and determined I did not want to fight.  I had no motivation to research treatment options or develop a plan.  I was stuck.  It was the fear of the unknown.  It wasn’t until God spoke to me and ministered his grace that I felt strengthened to move past my fears.  Once I stepped out of that debilitating space, I was able to gain strength.  I gained confidence from the things I was learning, and I began to see clearly with a level head.

      I think that this message is even more pertinent to the current economic, social, and political unrest enveloping our country today.  The coronavirus and the resulting lockdowns were fodder for an increase in anxiety and fear.  There was the palpable fear of contracting COVID, spreading it, and the fear of violating the lockdown directives of those in authority.  On top of these fears many were fearful of their economic future.  The  3-month lockdowns caused the economy to grind to a halt and come to a standstill, affecting many small businesses.  Many people’s livelihood evaporated.  The unemployment rate skyrocketed, and people were under great financial stress.

      And just as the country was taking steps to reopen, George Floyd was murdered by four police officerscaught on video for the whole world to see.  One officer held his knee on George’s neck for 9 minutes, while George was saying he couldn’t breathe.  It was a tinder boxcausing racial tensionand America descended into weeks long eruption of protests, anarchy, rioting, and looting.   Fear, angst, anxiety, and pressure permeated the country.  People were afraid for their lives, afraid of the destruction of private and public property, and afraid of the indiscriminate displays of anger and enflamed passions.Three months of uncertainty and anxiety from being locked down and “social distancing” was a powder keg. What do we do?  How do we handle all of these different pressures coming at us all at once like arrows? 

      First of all, I suggest we remove ourselvesfrom the news and social media.  News outlets arefanning the flames of racial divisionmaking Americans take sides, when I believe 90% of Americans are unified in their horror and denunciation of what the police officer did to George Floyd.  I believe most Americans are united in wanting justice for Floyd, although they may not all agree on what it should look like. 

      Social Media is worse because it spreads disinformation like wildfire and everyone’s opinion and rants are on full display for disagreements and bitter vitriol to be hurled back and forth.

      In order to maintain balance, harmony, and peace within, we need to unplug.  We need to think clearly about the situation and what is happening.  If you are angry, stop and think about how you can channel your anger into something positive and effective.  Allowing the anger to fester and build, only causes us to behave and act irrationally.  Unintentional hurt and irreversible damage is the result.  Calmer heads need to prevail.

      If fear is gripping you, you need to get on your knees and pray.  Release all your emotions and fears to God.  Its ok to cry out.  It’s ok to let God know your feeling overwhelmed.  Do a lot of self-reflection and examination of your own personal motivations.  Let go of any guilt, insecurities, prejudices, or preconceived notions. Step away from anything that feeds your anxiety and fears such as the news media, social media, and anyone who is confrontational. 

      Pray for the country.  Pray for peace.  Pray for all the families that have been affected by Floyd’s murder, other people murdered during the riots, and the loss of property and livelihoods from the looting and destruction.  Pray for our leaders that theylead with integrity, display strength, andwalk in wisdom, compassion, and understanding. 

      Remember that you are not the only persongoing through this.  Many of your fellow Americans in your neighborhood are going through the same thing.  Find and gravitate towardsthose who are likeminded and solution oriented and join forces with them.  Find those who are determined not to sit back and allow their circumstance to control their emotions and reactions, preventing them from moving forward.  Don’t stay stuck in your fears.  Be proactive and not reactive.  Devise a plan of how you are going to recover financially.  Pivot and figure out ways you can take advantage of opportunities to serve. 

      Remember this will all pass.  

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      Coaching

      A Proper View of The Medical Doctor

      • admin
      • May 31, 2020

      When it comes to cancer treatment there are two opposite extreme polarizing views on the role of  the medical doctor.  Some view the medical doctors as the only expert and therefore the final authority on how cancer should be treated.  To them, the medical doctor knows all.  His/her word is unquestionable. 

      The otherextreme view is more cynical.  To them, medical doctors have a hidden agenda and they pushineffective harmful treatments becausethey are beholden to medical associations and pharmaceutical companies. Therefore, they see the doctor as untrustworthy.These people would rather put their faith and trust in alternative practitioners and alternative medicine alone.

      I believe in a balanced approach to the traditional medical doctors.  I do not believe that their knowledge is exhaustive, but they do know more than I do.  They are trained professionals in their specialty.  Contrary to the skeptical view, most doctors are personally invested in helping their patients get the best possible care and outcomes.  They have noble intentions and have spent years honing and perfecting their craft.  However, oncology doctors are typicallydependent on the conventionally accepted cancer protocols that includechemotherapy, radiation, surgery, and prescription drugs.  Their treatmentsare limited within the scope of their specific specialized training and what they learned in medical school.  Many have zero training in nutrition and alternative approaches to disease.Therefore, I also consult with an alternative practitioner, who tailors her treatment to compliment the conventional treatment of my oncologist. 

      I believe the medical doctorshould come alongside the patient and consult.  Doctors should give their expert advice and guide us in choosing a treatment plan; not demand we do as they say.My oncologist is only one part of my treatment team and not exclusive.  I am open to her suggestions and I highly consider them.  She also refers me to other specialist if I have a specific need for treatment outside of her prevue

      What should you look for in choosing a traditional medical doctor? 

      • Bedside Manners – you must feel comfortableand believethat you could develop a positive rapport. You are going to be interacting with this doctor for a long period of time, maybe years. So, feeling at ease and being able to talk to your doctor about anything is very important.  He should make you feel like you are the only patient he has, not just another number. 
      • How many years of experience does he have?
      • What are the reviews of his current and former patients
      • He should freely and thoroughly answer any questions you have with patience and sensitivity.
      • He should have compatible values and philosophies
      • How does his staff treat you and do they have a pleasant disposition?

      Choosing a doctor is one of the most critical decisions you will make.  Do not make this decision lightly.  It could drastically affect your treatment outcomes. 

      Don’t distrust medical doctors.  They do have a lot to offer in your treatment care.  My oncologist is more than just a Doctor.  Over the 18 years she has become a trusted friend.  Her and her nurse have comforted and encouraged me in my darkest hour when I thought I was going to die.  She is like a mother who tends to her hurting child and wants to make everything better.  That attitude goes a long way in treating a cancer patient.

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      Coaching

      What Are You Made of?

      • admin
      • May 20, 2020

      What are you made of?  I am not asking what is your physical composition – such as hair, skin, blood, skeletal frame etc.  I am asking, what is the measure of your inner strength – your fight, your determination, your endurance.  A cancer diagnosis will test what you are made of.It will test if you have the heart to follow through when the going gets tough.

      The Bible says, “If thou faint in the day of adversity, thy strength is small.”  Adversity reveals how strong we are.  Every human being will have a test.  Everyone will go through some sort of fire.  That is just the process of life.  Gold must go through the fire to prove it is pure gold.  Precious metals must go through the refining fire to be purified.  1 Peter 1:7 says,“That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ”.

      Arm yourself with the understanding that you are in a war against a formidable foe.  Cancer is no joke.  It is an intimidating enemy, but it can be defeated.  You must train yourself like a soldier and prepare for war.  Build up your faith.

      I remember when I was in the hospital after just having surgery on my femur bone.  The bone was so diseased from cancer, I had to have a rod placed in my leg to hold up the bone.  When my good friend and brother came to visit me, he greeted me with, “What’s up, SOLDIER?”.  That was his way of reminding me that I was in a battle and he was encouraging me to keep fighting and not to lay down my arms.  

      In 1941, Great Britain was at the brink of war with Nazi Germany.  Great Britain was on her own in Europe as Poland, France, Czechoslovakia and the low countries had all fallen to Hitler’s encroaching world dominance.  On October 29th, 1941, Winston Churchill, the Prime Minister, made a rousing speech to his country at his childhood school.   His words have now become legendary as an anthem and call for courage.

      ‘…never give in, never, never, never, never—in nothing, great or small, large or petty—never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense…‘Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.’

      Although cancer or whatever trial you are facing, may be or seem formidable, you can overcome it.  With God all things are possible.  Don’t be afraid of the fight.  Embrace it.  Fight with everything that is in you.  Do not believe in or allow defeat.  Do not cower to cancer.  Another friend of mine once said, “If I ever got cancer, I would fight to the very end.”

      If you observe athletes and competitors, they thrive on the competition.  Winning and victory motivates them.  They work hard andstrive to win and beat their opponents.  They cannot imagine losing.  Losing is not an option. 

      The Apostle Paul compared the Christian walk to that of an athlete.  He said in 1 Cor. 9:24 – 27, “Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain.And every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown; but we an incorruptible.I therefore so run, not as uncertainly; so fight I, not as one that beateththe air:But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.”

      So, my word to you is keep fighting.  Develop a competitor and winners’ mindset.  Giving up is not an option.  “… in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.”(Romans

      So, what are you made of, SOLDIER?

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